I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
