at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
