I am in a vortex of obligation.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
