South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
