she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
