is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
