Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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