I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
