Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
