i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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