i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
