i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
