We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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