From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is Oprah even human
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
