Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
