Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
