I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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