I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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