fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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