It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would ride that face into the sunset
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
