Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
