my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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