OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
