Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
