Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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