Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
