im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she told me i tasted like america
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
