I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
