bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
