So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
