4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
