this beer tastes like vomit already
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Found your dick twin last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
