Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
