just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
