Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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