Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As shirtless as possible
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
