Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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