just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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