hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
