how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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