yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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