the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry about my life...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
