I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
