i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no, he came in my armpit
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
