I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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