Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
