So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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