he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
