i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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