I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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