Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
