i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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