It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
