Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
